For Erica (And Her Boobies)

Recently a good friend of mine, Erica,  was diagnosed with breast cancer and began the lengthy treatment process. In an attempt to understand what she may be going through, I wrote a poem for her. I wrote it from her perspective, in an attempt at imagining what she may be going through right now - a roller coaster of emotions that she can try to control, but sometimes has a hard time keeping in check. A lot of the lines I took from actual facebook posts that she made or words she used in conversations with me.  And I also didn't know all the specifics of the treatment plan when I wrote it, so it may not be totally accurate. I also tried to inject humor, not to trivialize her experience, but because I've noticed she's been using humor and sarcasm a lot in her messages to me. I can't begin to really feel what she's going through, but I wanted to try.  

Erica is an amazingly strong woman and I admire the way she's facing this with grace and courage. I'm confident that if anyone can beat breast cancer, Erica will be the one.


For Erica (And Her Boobies)

There's a lump in my breast
The doctor told me it was a 3
On a scale of 1 to 6
1 being definitely not cancer
6 definitely cancer
They gave me a 3
Probably not cancer

Probably not cancer?!

I need a second opinion
More tests
This doctor tells me
You should prepare yourself for cancer

How the hell do I prepare myself for cancer?

The results take 6 days
6 days to prepare for cancer

Waiting

I'm strong

Waiting

I'll get through this

Waiting

This isn't happening to me

Results...

I have cancer

Shit

Invasive Ductal Carcinoma
That sounds bad

I have cancer
Now what?

Chemo
At least it's Halloween season
I can wear fun wigs
Maybe I'll go blond

Surgery
Boobs are overrated anyway
Think of the money I'll save on bras

Radiation
I heard the White House scans visitors for radiation risks
Maybe I'll be considered a threat to national security

5 years of hormone therapy
5 years
There goes the rest of my 30s

No
I can't think that way
I'm strong
I'll get through this

Dammit
Now I have to tell everyone else
No use trying to hide it
It'll be pretty obvious once I start treatment
I'm going to get this announcement over with

Facebook post:
I have breast cancer
I'll start treatment next week
I'm in good spirits
I feel super confident that I'll beat this
Smiley face

There
I've said it
Though I still don't believe it myself
I have cancer

It's scary
It's hard to wrap my brain around it
I don't feel sick
But once I start chemo...

No
Stay positive

I'm strong
It hasn't spread to my bones
Or my brain

I'll get through this
I'm in fighting mode
And feeling super positive

All of my doctors believe they can cure me

I'm staying positive
With the occasional fits of tears
I'm not ready to cry in public
People already feel uncomfortable around me
Now that they know

I have cancer

I don't want to magnify it by bursting into tears
One minute I'm fine
Having a normal conversation
Then it sneaks up on me
And I'm sobbing
Of course, I don't stop talking
Just call me the awkward cancer girl
Smiley face

I'm strong
I'll get through this
I'm in good spirits
I'm confident I'll beat this
I don't even feel sick

It's strange to think
In order to heal me
They have to make me sick

Today I start chemo
Today it becomes real

I have cancer

But it will NOT beat me
That's what everyone says

I AM strong
I WILL get through this
Smiley face

Chemo
Surgery
Radiation
Cancer

Bring
It
On

 

My favorite photo of Erica and me :)